A new WWE Studios/Lionsgate-backed film, 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown, hits theaters Friday (September 11), starring Dean Ambrose. Although the trailer looks pretty good, if wrestler-featured movies of the past are any indication, then "The Lunatic Fringe" will be firing blanks when it comes to reviews of the flick.
It's hard to blame World Wrestling Entertainment for trying to make a dent in the movie world. Its superstars are wildly popular, and one has to think if a fraction of wrestling fans watch this movie, it can be a success. Yet, through the years, we've seen plenty of wrestlers star on the big screen and fall flat on their backs as if they just got bodyslammed or suplexed. It's not always the wrestlers' faults, either. Sometimes they're just victims of a heinously-bad scripts, including those that have them playing everything from a demonic Santa Claus to a nanny and even the Tooth Fairy.
Speaking of The Tooth Fairy, that and Doom were definitely two of the worst movies that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson starred in before he reversed his fortune and ascended on his current upwards trajectory in Hollywood. The Rock might be an exception, though. Here, Tech Times takes a look back at some of the forgettable movies that starred WWE superstars. Disqualification!
No Holds Barred — Hulk Hogan
With Hulkamania running wild in WWE (then World Wrestling Federation), Hulk Hogan starred in the 1989 No Holds Barred as Rip, a wrestling champion who is forced to take part in another wrestling promoter's organization when newcomer Zeus wins the "Battle of the Tough Guys" competition and assaults Rip's younger brother Randy to get Hogan's attention.
That's enough for Rip to defend his brother's honor and take on Zeus in a lame movie plot that spilled into the WWF's storylines. The movie and both the WWF storyline were pretty bad, especially considering Hogan's lackluster acting skills and Zeus not doing much more than grunting and screaming on camera. Hulk Hogan couldn't do any wrong during the 1980s and 1990s ... except this movie. Rip 'em, brother!
Mr. Nanny — Hulk Hogan
In 1990, Arnold Schwarzenegger scored big with Kindergarten Cop, which had him playing an undercover cop teaching a class of toddlers in order to get closer to solving a crime. Somehow, director Michael Gottlieb thought that penciling in Hulk Hogan as a nanny to two spoiled-rotten kids whose father was being threatened was a good plot for the Mr. Nanny movie. Wrong. It was anything but a good plot, with Hogan at one point in the movie saying, "I hate kids." Well, we hate this movie. This flick should have been given the big boot and leg-dropped right off of IMDb's server as if it never happened.
Santa With Muscles — Hulk Hogan
Not to pile on Hulk Hogan here, but how's this for a plot? Throw the Hulkster in a Santa Claus suit and have him hiding from police, using Christmas to throw authorities for a loop. Except when he dons the Santa outfit, he falls in love with the Christmas spirit and uses his newfound Santa persona to do away with evil. You just can't make this stuff up. This 1996 film — if you even want to call it that — is as bad as it gets. The title alone should have tipped you off to that, though.
The Marine — John Cena
Even John Cena's Hollywood good looks couldn't save The Marine in 2006. The WWE Studios production had Cena playing John Triton, a recently-discharged marine who brings hell to diamond thieves who kidnap his wife. WWE was counting on this flick to hit hard, but all it did was hit and miss, unnecessarily spawning sequels starring fellow WWE superstars Ted DiBiase and the Miz. Those followups might have even been worse.
Hell Comes to Frogtown — Roddy Piper
By 1988, Rowdy Roddy Piper had established himself as an all-time wrestling villain for the ages. In fact, few played a heel better that Hot Rod. However, the true meaning of evil was the evil inflicted on him in playing the character Sam Hell in Hell Comes to Frogtown, where he's faced with the dilemma of impregnating women or fighting a fleet of frog monsters who wiped out the human race following a nuclear war. This movie is truly hell on Earth ... or hell after Earth. On the count of three, let's act like the late, great Roddy Piper never did this. Ready? Three. Wow, this was bad.
The Tooth Fairy — Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
One would have thought that the failure of Hulk Hogan's Mr. Nanny would drive the point home to not put WWE superstars anywhere near kids, aiming for a wholesome, cute movie. Director Michael Lembeck didn't get the memo and tabbed Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson for 2010's The Tooth Fairy, which carried the tagline "You Can't Handle The Tooth." You're right, we couldn't. A minor-league hockey player forced to serve one week of being a tooth fairy ... yeah, that's as bad as it gets. To think, this could have seriously derailed Johnson's movie career. Good thing for The Rock, it didn't. The only way watching The Tooth Fairy would work is if you're tripped up on laughing gas. Otherwise, extract this tooth from your movie database.
Knucklehead — The Big Show
After accidentally burning down his orphanage, the world's biggest orphan — Walter Krunk, played by the Big Show — must learn MMA (mixed martial arts) to raise money for the school. Hey, Big Show ... this was a Big No. At least Show had a chance to showcase his larger-than-life personality. Aside from that, somebody chokeslam and bury this flick.
The Condemned — Stone Cold Steve Austin
For what it's worth, Steve Austin's part in The Expendables made more sense than the twisted plot in The Condemned ... and that's saying an awful lot. Just because you stick a pure badass like Austin in an action movie doesn't mean it's going to work, and The Condemned is proof. Awaiting the death penalty in a Central American prison, Austin's character, Jack Conrad, becomes property of a wicked television producer who puts him on an island with condemned killers ... and freedom on the line. Sounds like a twisted Survivor. Terrible plot.
Santa's Slay — Bill Goldberg
Out of all these juvenile plots, Santa's Slay might carry the worst synopsis of them all. Bill Goldberg portraying a demonic Santa Claus will do that to you. He loses a bet with an angel and is forced to partake in the Christmas cheer. Downright unwatchable. On a side note, though, what's with wrestlers playing Santa? It didn't work for Hulk Hogan, and it definitely didn't work for Goldberg.
See No Evil — Kane
At least WWE Studios got the casting correct in choosing Kane to portray Jacob Goodnight, a disturbed recluse who really isn't too far off from the wrestler's actual character in the ring. However, other than that, this gory Rated-R film should have been tombstoned and left on the cutting room floor. We'd rather watch the wrestler in the ring than teenagers trying to survive his killing spree in this horrible movie. The best way to See No Evil is to never see this movie.
The Chaperone — Triple H
With all due respect to Triple H, he does a way better job helping to run World Wrestling Entertainment than he did portraying an ex-convict who is looking to win his family back and winds up chaperoning a field trip to New Orleans. How silly. The self-proclaimed "King of Kings" came up looking like a pauper in a movie that could have easily been broadcast on the Family Channel in the wee hours. On second thought, scrap that idea. We wouldn't want people who are up to actually see this flick.
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