It’s fair to say there’s no shortage of international cinematic rip-offs. From Chinese Popeye to Indian Superman, film industries worldwide have been plundering Hollywood properties for decades. But when it comes to unabashed regurgitation of hit movies, the Turkish film industry is a force to be reckoned with!
Zero budget, even less moviemaking aptitude, these beauties offer entertainment galore. But for all the wrong reasons…
SEYTAN (aka THE EXORCIST)
The Exorcist scared moviegoers witless upon its release in 1973. To this day, it’s acknowledged as one of the best—and creepiest—horror films ever made.
The following year, Turkish director Metin Irksan concocted something even more terrifying... SEYTAN!
A near shot-for-shot swipe of William Friedkin’s classic, Seytan tells the tale of a young girl named Gul who finds herself rather fond of a newly acquired Ouija board. Gul soon goes utterly bonkers, and to her parents’ dismay, it’s due to possession by that pesky Lord of Darkness. The actress playing Gul (kinda sorta) resembles Linda Blair, though her talents aren't quite up to the American's standards; she spends most of the film appearing to be in desperate need of the loo. The film's "special" effects don’t help, either... Gul looks more like she's the victim of a slapdash Swedish mud bath than demonic possession.
BADI (aka E.T.)
Next up for piss-poor Turkish pillaging is Steven Spielberg’s beloved E.T. Here, the alien visitor goes by the name of Badi, who strikes me as the unholy splicing of John “The Elephant Man” Merrick and NBC’s Alf.
After landing in a Turkish slum, Badi meets with a family who (understandably) freak the holy hell out. The director clearly wasn’t interested in making the mutant monstrosity appealing to children, while his production budget was apparently tighter than a fat bloke’s belt. Various noises produced by Badi throughout the film are best described as the soundtrack to your very worst nightmare...the aural equivalent of a gracelessly administered anal probe.
Psychological Terror 101.
Çöl (aka JAWS)
Spielberg must be choking on his caviar. Jaws, another of his most critically acclaimed films, is the basis for this absurd rip-off, with the Great White shark featured within resembling a diabolically deformed papier-mâché mishap.
Directed by the same cinematic saboteur responsible for Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam (better known as Turkish Star Wars), the film introduces a contract killer on the run from his ex-employers. The actual shark only makes a fleeting appearance, which is just as well—it looks even less like a fearsome ocean-dwelling predator than I do Lady Gaga.
WILD BLOOD (aka RAMBO)
In a fiendish fit of all-consuming insanity, I challenged myself to sit through this entire movie.
Spoiler alert: It’s rubbish.
Starring Turkish bodybuilder Serdar Kebabcilar as a Turkish commando in pursuit of mountain-dwelling terrorists, this is the first of a two-film series. The second is called Rampage, and no, I haven’t seen it. Yet.
How belligerent is this revolting replication of Ted Kotcheff’s First Blood? For starters, the female lead isn’t even given a name. She’s simply credited as “girl”...! Action sequences are ghastly, acting even worse, while the story packs less intellectual punch than an episode of "Honey Boo Boo".
And yes, I own it on DVD.
*Leaps out of window*
ÖMER THE TOURIST IN STAR TREK (aka STAR TREK - Duh)
A pioneer of Turkish movie pilfering, Ömer Uzay Yolunda was released in 1973, six full years ahead of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Though totally unauthorized (and loaded with footage ransacked from the Original Series), it qualifies as the first movie in the Star Trek universe! Well, sort of.
A comedy/parody of the plundered source material, Ömer Uzay Yolunda casts Sadri Alisik as a Turkish hobo who’s beamed aboard the Starship Enterprise.
Because if intergalactic explorers were to establish contact with 20th Century Earth, the zenith of humanity would surely come in the form of a cack-encrusted gentleman of the road.
This is the eighth film in the series of Omer the Tourist films, each of which lands the protagonist in a new and unusual predicament. I would assume Ömer Uzay Yolunda is the hobo's most curious cinematic venture, but then, enduring 80+ minutes of Wild Blood has left my sense of expectancy rather...blighted.
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