Japanese Spider-Man (1978)
More foreign Spidey action! But unlike the Turkish offering, Toei Spider-Man was given the official thumbs-up by Marvel ahead of production. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less unusual…
Loosely based on Stan Lee and Steve Ditko’s web-slinger, this Japanese tokusatsu television series saw Spidey riding a motorcycle and using his wristwatch to control a huge, ridiculous mecha robot.
The Toei Company produced the show, making its debut in 1978. It was originally intended as a faithful replication of the American superhero, but toy manufacturer Bandai had other ideas; where’s the fun in Spider-Man without a mechanical goliath backing him up? And more importantly, how was mecha-bereft merchandise expected to generate the required bucketload of profit?
Susumu Yoshikawa and Hiroshi Ishikawa, the show’s producers, begrudgingly acknowledged Bandai’s suggestions (i.e. demands) and totally rewrote Spidey’s origin story. The result? An aircraft-flying, car-driving, robot-manipulating Spider-Man who battled enormous monsters. And while entering pretty much any given scene, froze midair in a selection of cringeworthy poses.
Toei Spider-Man is often known as “Spy Darma” thanks to one of the show’s many examples of poor pronunciation; the character bellowed his name aloud at every opportunity, and with Toei Spidey’s frequent omission of the pesky “n” consonant, his battle cry sounds more along the lines of, “Spy Darma!” It stuck.
Despite widespread ridicule (Late Night with Conan O’Brien included a short clip of the show, much to the audience’s amusement), Japanese Spider-Man isn’t bereft of a fan base.
Co-creator Stan Lee praised the special effects and stunt work in a video interview for the series’ Japanese DVD release, while comic book creators Dan Slott and Olivier Coipel introduced Takuya Yamashiro, Toei Spider-Man himself, to the Spider-Verse saga. His giant robot Leopardon made an appearance, too.
Bollywood Superman (1987)
Not ridiculous enough for you? Fear not, fans of all things freakish: Bollywood Superman will sort you out good and proper.
B. Gupta's notorious reimagining/massacre of the Man of Steel sees Puneet Issar battle evil real estate tycoons and break into excruciating song and dance routines, all while blatantly thieving from Richard Donner’s Superman: The Movie. Not satisfied with regurgitating its story, pretty much every special effect seen within is lifted directly from the 1978 classic.
In a rare instance of original content, one scene sees hijackers take control of an airplane. Luckily for the passengers, Superman is on board! Not so fortunate is the hero’s current plight, totally distracting him from the siege: He really needs a wee.
A cross-legged model of discomfort, Clark Kent jiggles outside the toilet for several minutes before wasting more potential terrorist-foiling time taking his prolonged, funny face-producing piddle.
Man of Steel. Bladder of Bamboo.
Who thought an Indian Superman rip-off would be a good idea, anyway? One thing is certain: B. Gupta, the abovementioned director, wasn’t the first.
Return of Mr. Superman (1960)
That’s right. Mr. Superman!
Despite the misleading title, this no-budget debacle wasn’t any kind of sequel. Oh no. Return of Mr. Superman is one of two 1960 India-made films featuring the Man of Steel! Stranger yet, the competing movie studios hired the same actor to fill the lead role.
This offering sees Superman donning slacks and sweatshirt, along with a skullcap. Topping off his “costume” is a pair of goggles, making the hero look more like a WW1 combatant navigating gas-filled trenches than a super-powered alien saving the day.
Arse-bitingly awful.
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