Slowly but surely, Game of Thrones is picking up the pace. Bobbing back and forth between the show's ever growing cast of characters is no easy task, and the result was that the first two episodes of season five felt much slower than usual.
That's changing now. We've been reintroduced to the majority of the show's major players as well as met a few new faces. With introductions out of the way, season five can begin in earnest.
Spoilers below!
Let's get the elephant in the room out of the way first: Tyrion. He appears at the tail end of this episode and seems determined to ignore the many warnings of Varys. Even thousands of miles away from King's Landing, the Lannisters and the wealth of Casterly Rock are still well known, especially to one drunk and depressed Jorah Mormont. Tyrion's talk of "always paying his debts" and having met queens simply made it easy.
Fans of the book saw Tyrion's kidnapping coming, but few could have guessed the turn Sansa's storyline would take this season. Okay, if you've paid close attention to various trailers and teasers online about season five maybe you did guess, but still. It's a bold departure from the books, marrying Sansa to Ramsay Bolton and having a true Stark return to Winterfell. It seems absurd that Sansa would willingly marry the son of the man who personally twisted the dagger into Robb Stark's heart, but she seems to have taken Littlefinger's speech to heart. Sansa is tired of being the victim. Instead, she's planting herself right in the middle of her enemies. The fact that Theon (or Reek) is also in Winterfell, likely racked with guilt over betraying Sansa and her family, makes the whole scenario that much more interesting.
Speaking of true Starks, Jon got to tell Stannis "no deal" on the whole "I will make you ruler of Winterfell" offer. He is Lord Commander of the Night's Watch now, and that means he can't just abandon his vows and go on a crusade to avenge his family, no matter how much he wants to. Being Lord Commander also means what Jon says is law, a fact Janos Slynt didn't take so well. He directly refuses Jon's orders and openly defies the new leader of the Night's Watch. That's called "treason," and Jon isn't going to having that. One of the episodes most satisfying moments is watching Allister Throne, who is no fan of Jon and a friend of Slynt, actually respect Jon's decision and step aside so Janos can be dragged to the executioners block. And just like his father before him, Jon serves his own justice by swiftly taking Slynt's head himself, earning Stannis' respect in the process.
With Sansa returning home and Jon refusing to become a true Stark, Arya's choice this episode became all the more painful to watch. In order to become a "Faceless Man," she must shed the identity of Arya Stark and become "nobody." That means throwing away all her possessions, including Needle, the sword that Jon gave to her as a gift way back in season one. The blade has gotten her through thick and then. She cries as she prepares to toss into the bay, but she simply can't do it. She hides it instead, an act that may come back to haunt her.
This episode is also notable for introducing us to the High Sparrow, the leader of a group of religious fanatics who take their love of the Seven very seriously. Cersei, however, seems to tolerate them, which may come back to bite her in the butt. Rest assured he and the rest of the Sparrows have a large role to play in events to come.
Oh, and Margaery and Tommen officially got married. And then had lots of sex. Considering Tommen looks like he is 15, it was all very awkward to watch.
Read on for our weekly awards.
The "Aren't You Supposed To Be Hiding?" Award - Tyrion
Frequents brothels. Always pays his debts. Met the queen. Goes by the name Marion Mannister. Is a dwarf. Definitely not the guy you are looking for. Can't you see the hood?
The Much Better At Hiding Award - Theon
God, it's painful to think about how awkward it's going to be when these two meet again. Keep your head down Theon.
Ewwww Moment - Tommen Getting It On With Margaery
The kid is like 14. Eww. On the bright side, Tommen is not a sadistic lunatic like Joffrey.
Mandatory Beheading - Jon Snow
Quick and painless, which is probably more than Janos Slynt deserved.
Frankenstein Award - Guy Under The Blanket
I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE?
Best Question You Already Know The Answer To - Arya
"What do we do with them after we clean them?" Really, Arya? They are "faceless" men, after all.
And, Of Course, Your Dark Sansa Moment Of The Week
The North remembers, Roose Bolton. And so does Sansa...
See you next week!
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