Arya is back! And she's finally arrived at the free city of Braavos, where she spends much of her time waiting outside a pair of massive white and black doors.
That's the second episode of Game of Thrones season five, "The House of Black and White," in a nutshell. It's an episode that felt slower than most. No shocking deaths or sudden twists; just a slow, methodical forward march as the show begins to push various plotlines for this season into motion.
SPOILERS BELOW!
That doesn't mean it wasn't entertaining, however. It's always a pleasure to have Arya back on screen, even if she does spend the majority of her time in this episode sitting on some steps reciting her prayers. And then there is Tyrion, always cracking jokes, only now with a cup of wine seemingly glued to his hand. He's still on the road to Meereen and he isn't exactly thrilled about it. Since murdering his lover and father, his whole outlook on life has become rather pessimistic, much to the aggravation of Varys.
While Arya and Tyrion's plotlines took their sweet time, events at the Wall moved at a much quick pace. A letter from Lyanna Mormont in the North reminds Stannis that the northerners are still fiercly loyal to Robb Stark. They refuse to follow a southern king. Which is exactly why Stannis makes Jon and offer he can't refuse - swear fealty to Lord Stannis, break his vows to the Night's Watch, and become a legitimate Stark and the heir to Winterfell.
It's a win-win-win. Stannis gets allies in the North. Jon gets to go home and is no longer a bastard, and we don't have to put up with the Boltons any longer. No more Ramsay and Roose torturing and mutilating people on a whim. Things would go back to how they were, how they should be. A Stark once again in Winterfell, ruling justly and honorably.
But this is Jon Snow we're talking about. He is nothing if not his father's son, despite not sharing the family name. To break his vows to the Night's Watch, to abandon them in their time of need so he can fulfill his childhood dream of becoming a legitimate son of Eddard Stark, would haunt Jon until the end of his days.
So he refuses Stannis. It's all for the best, because shortly after Jon is elected 998th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch thanks to a rousing speech from Sam. There is no way Jon is leaving the Wall now.
Down south, Jaime declares he will be undergoing a top secret mission to Dorne in order to bring his and Cersei's daughter, Myrcella, back to King's Landing. Accompanying him is none other than Bronn, whom Jaime rescues from having to marry the dim-witted and completely unremarkable Lolly Stokesworth. We also got a brief glimpse of Dorne for the first time. It's there we are introduced to Prince Doran Martell, who seems like a pretty cool and level headed guy: a rarity in Westeros. Oberyn's lover, Ellaria Sand, on the other hand? Not so much. She is pissed about Oberyn's death and Doran not doing anything about it. Ruling a kindom isn't easy: no matter what you do, someone is going to hate you for it.
Which brings us to Dany. Dany, Dany, Dany. It seems Meereen simply breeds trouble. After being convinced by Ser Barristan to hold a fair trial for a captured Son of the Harpy, her plans are ruined by a former slave who took "justice" into his own hands by murdering the prisoner in cold blood. It puts Dany in a tough spot. The penalty for murder is death. Execute the former slave, and she risks the wrath of the thousands of freed men and women who worship Dany as their Mother. But let him go free and she angers the former slave masters, who already despise Dany, while also destroying and idea of equal justice under the law.
At least Drogon is back. Hooray for dragons! Oh, and Brienne found Sansa and Littlefinger, but let's not even talk about that. It's too depressing. Instead, on to the highlights!
Best Dragonheart Moment: Dany Reaching For Drogon
True love.
Man In the Box Award: Tyrion On The Road To Meereen
Despite all his rage, he is still just a rat in a cage.
Sickest Burn: Samwell Tarly, After Serving Janos Slynt
He's going to need some lotion for that one.
Unpopularity Contest: Sansa, For Being A Jerk To Brienne
We were just starting to kind of respect you, and then you have to go and pull this? Come on.
Best Use Of Magic: Jaqen H'ghar's Magic Face
That's not his real name, but still. How does it do it?
Mandatory Execution: Former Slave Turned Murderer
It's not an episode of Game of Thrones without a good ol' execution. Hey, at least he wasn't burnt to death at the stake like our buddy Mance. Dany may be stern, but she isn't that much of a jerk. Not that her subject cared much. That hissing was...unsettling, to say the least.
Award For Most Fans Exclaiming "That Definitely Didn't Happen In The Books": Tie Between Jamie's Dorne Mission And Brienne Encountering Sansa
Well that was...unexpected.
Buddy Cop Movie In The Making: Jaime And Bronn Go To Dorne
The adventures of these two could be the next eight episodes and we would still love it.
See you next week!
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