The secret is out: Varys is a Dany fan, and better yet, he wants Tyrion to be one too.
Not that Tyrion has much interest in allying with the mother of dragons. He spent the majority of this episode drinking himself to death. A reasonable reaction to murdering your dad and your former lover all in the same night, one might assume. But Varys is certain Tyrion is a skilled politician and a man of compassion, one who might help to put the pieces of the seven kingdoms back together again once Daenerys conquers Westeros. Tyrion agrees to travel with Varys and meet Dany, but only if he can drink on the way there.
So begin the adventures of Tyrion and Varys, partners in crime. Speaking of Dany, things aren't going so great for her right now. Her Unsullied are being murdered by mysterious assassins known as the "Sons of the Harpy," she refuses reopen the Meereen fighting pits (which isn't winning her any new fans) and to top it all off her dragons are still crazy, rabid beasts.
The season five premiere of Game of Thrones held plenty of other surprises as well, chief among them the death of another major character in the form of Mance Rayder. Despite Jon Snow pleading with Mance to bend the knee to Stannis, Mance wouldn't have it. He elected to be burned alive rather than kneel to a southern king. It was an admirable choice, until we see the fear and the pain on Mance's face as the flames engulfed his body. Not a great way to go.
This episode also gave us the first flashback for the series in the form of Cersei visiting a witch in her youth. It was a scene that played out much differently from the novels, mostly because the witch didn't actually give out half of the prophecies she does in the book. Perhaps we will revisit this flashback at another time to hear the rest?
Overall it was a relatively slow opener for season five, but not too out of the ordinary for the show as a whole. This episode dealt with the aftermath of many of last season's events and begins to propel our core cast of characters forwards to their new destinations. Not to worry, no doubt Arya will be making her grand return in next week's episode.
But enough of the boring recap stuff. Let's talk awards! Without further ado:
Most Naked Butts In An Episode Of Television Ever: This Episode
Seriously, I don't know how they can top this. I counted at least five.
Blast From The Past: Lancel Lannister
Who knew this guy would turn out to be important? Also, if you didn't immediately recognize him, don't feel bad. Nobody else did either.
Best Use Of Budget: The Toppling Of The Harpy In Meereen
And it all comes tumbling down.
Most Painful Missed Connection: Brienne
Sansa is riding in a carriage 50 feet away from Brienne and Podrick, who literally were just talking about finding Sansa. Gah!
Outstanding Achievement In Making The Audience Go "Awww" To "WTF" In Under 5 Seconds: Mean Whore
What kind of monster slices the throat of an Unsullied desperate for snuggles?
Secret Good Guy Award: Varys
For secretly working to make the world a better place for five seasons.
The "Maybe I Shouldn't Have Done That" Award: Jaime
Upon thinking about how he freed Tyrion, who then proceeded to murder their dad. Whoops.
Strangest Way To Tell The Future: Drinking The Blood Of Little Girls
"Couldn't you have just read my palm, or something?"
Ultimate Alcoholic Award: Tyrion
Who after hours of non-stop drinking, vomits it all up and then proceeds to go right back to drinking. That's determination right there.
Best Mercy Killing: Jon Snow Putting An Arrow Through Mance Rayder's Heart
Thank goodness. That was painful to watch.
See you next week!
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