A graphic video showing Ray Rice knocking out his future wife Janay Rice released by TMZ on Sept. 8 prompted outrage and an indefinite suspension for the Baltimore Ravens running back from the NFL. It also inspired many women to tell their own stories of domestic abuse.
"#WhyIStayed" and "#WhyILeft" began trending on Twitter after Rice's video hit the Internet. Mostly female Twitter users, although there are some men participating in the hashtag campaign as well, are using the hashtags to share haunting and sobering stories of why they decided not to leave their partners after experiencing domestic abuse and why they eventually did break the relationship off, respectively.
#WhyIStayed because he said no one would ever love me #whyIleft realized to value myself before seeking another to value me
— Fatima_Rizvi (@fatima_rizvi00) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed He wasn't violent so I didn't understand how bad it was #whyileft I was forced to see how bad it was https://t.co/P5ZPz8Kcd9 — kaydee blinn (@blinnksdesign) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed I thought he would kill me #whyileft I saw his eyes the moment he decided to kill me and I wanted to die free
— lucida_console (@lucida_console) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed because he isolated me from friends and family and I had no one to turn to when the abuse started — Lady Grim (@grim_mandy) September 9, 2014
because i thought if i loved him enough he would stop being abusive #whyistayed. because i knew he would kill me eventually #whyileft
— Allison O'Connor (@yurhuckleberry) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed Because when he said he was sorry, I trusted that meant it wouldn't happen again. Again. Again. Again. Again. — Katie Clark (@omgcornflakes) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed because I thought I was strong enough to fix things and make them better if I just tried harder, did more, and did it perfectly
— CarmenMarstonFeinber (@marstonfeinberg) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed because I felt worthless and guilty for not being the person she wanted me to be — James Josiah (@donttelltales) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed because I was so good at pretending we were the happy couple. I began to believe it too. — Jessica Merrell (@jmillermerrell) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed: He told me "no one will ever love you like i do" #whyIleft: I realized that no one should ever "love" me like he did. — kirin_rosemary (@kirin_rosemary) September 9, 2014
I had internalized victim-blaming so bad that I thought my mother deserved abuse for doing things like talking-back i.e. talking #whyistayed
— Natural Disaster (@TheFireNexTime) September 8, 2014
Beverly Gooden, a human resources manager from Charlotte, N.C., created the hashtag after seeing so many people question why Janay Rice would stay in an abusive relationship with her husband. Gooden's ex-husband physically abused her for more than a year, and she decided to share that story on Twitter with "#WhyIStayed."
Domestic violence victims often find it difficult to leave abusers https://t.co/tHI4FTHfOK #WhyIStayed — Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn't cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too. #WhyIStayed — Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
He said he would change. He promised it was the last time. I believed him. He lied. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I had to plan my escape for months before I even had a place to go and money for the bus to get there. #WhyIStayed — Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because I thought love was enough to conquer all. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because I was halfway across the country, isolated from my friends and family. And there was no one to help me. #WhyIStayed — Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
You think you know but you have no idea.
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
Thousands of other Twitter users began sharing their stories of emotional and physical abuse in relationships. This has helped spark a much-needed public dialogue on domestic violence, which has (for the most part) inspired many to see the issue as not so cut-and-dry.
The #whyistayed thread is heartbreaking and sobering. I have a daughter. I'm afraid for her. All men should read these tweets. — Christopher Barger (@cbarger) September 9, 2014
I know it's not always easy to leave an abusive relationship. Some of the stories on #WhyIStayed hashtag are heartbreaking to say the least.
— Jesse (@mustbeh4x) September 9, 2014
There are 2 really important hashtags happening, #whyistayed & #whyileft. Educate yourself. Understand before judging people's relationships — Abby Nocon (@aanocon) September 8, 2014
So many courageous ppl sharing their stories re: #whyistayed and #whyileft. Domestic violence is often a hidden issue, bring it to light!
— Keosha Varela (@K_J_Writes) September 9, 2014
Just starting to read the personal stories people are sharing with the hashtag #WhyIStayed started by @bevtgooden. Incredibly moving. — Jessica Lustig (@jessicalustig) September 9, 2014
Admiring the powerful people sharing on #whyistayed. Where are the perps asked to explain #whyiabused?
— Anat Shenker-Osorio (@anatosaurus) September 8, 2014
Unfortunately, with every hashtag campaign, there's always a company that participates in it for promotional purposes. For this hashtag, the unlucky winner was DiGiorno Pizza, which posted a tweet with "#WhyIStayed" without knowing what the hashtag was all about.
no no no no no. MT @scottatslee: Example of a brand using a trending topic w/o understanding the context #WhyIStayed pic.twitter.com/e4TpOhQgQT — Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) September 9, 2014
The tweet has since been deleted, but as with most things that hit the Internet, it lives on in screenshots. The company later apologized on Twitter.
A million apologies. Did not read what the hashtag was about before posting.
— DiGiorno Pizza (@DiGiornoPizza) September 9, 2014
Many hashtag campaigns intended to raise awareness of women's issues have taken off on Twitter in recent years. Similar to "#WhyIStayed," "#YesAllWomen" was created to comment on society's perception that men are entitled to behave toward women however they choose in the wake of Eliot Rodger's deadly shooting at the University of California at Santa Barbara in May. In response to the kidnapping of hundreds of teenage girls by terrorist group Boko Haram in April, "#BringBackOurGirls" attempted to raise awareness of the tragic event on Twitter. "#EverydaySexism" has remained a popular hashtag where women share their experiences of the all-too-common misogyny they encounter in their daily lives.
Perhaps Gooden explains the power of these hashtag campaigns best in her blog post on why she created "#WhyIStayed." "I believe in the power of shared experience. I believe that we find strength in community," Gooden wrote. "I hope those tweeting using #WhyIStayed find a voice, find love, find compassion, and find hope."
