Steam Early Access is home to all manner of unfinished, horrifying to look at and generally not-very-good games sitting in development limbo. It's also home to some real gems, where developers use Early Access to improve their already nearly complete game before officially releasing it.
One look at Gabe Newell Simulator and you'll know which category it falls into. But while there are plenty of half-baked games on Steam right now, Gabe Newell Simulator is the only one that puts players in the shoes of Valve's head honcho and tasks them with releasing the long awaited Half-Life 3...or not.
Here is the game's official description, ripped straight from the game's Steam store page:
"Gabe Newell Simulator is a game for those who have always dreamed of being the glorious PC Master Race Gabe Newell! You can impersonate Gaben and help him in his fight against other companies and make the decision to release Half Life 3 or not, and this will have drastic consequences in the whole universe! Explore the different rooms and corridors of Valve Corporation (many inspired by real ones), the secret lab and... their space station!"
Ahuh...the game also makes a rather ridiculous claim on its list of features:
"Millions of easter eggs! There are already several easter eggs in the game and finished early access there will be many more."
Keep in mind that there are currently only "several" of the million promised Easter eggs, so you might be waiting a while for the rest. The game also claims you can "release Half-Life 3" or "eliminate forever Half-Life". Of course this whole game is a joke, complete with poor grammar and even poorer visuals. But how exactly did this even make it to the Steam store front to begin with? Seriously, watch the trailer below. It's almost offensive.
The game is currently $6.78 on Steam, which is about $6.77 more than any sane person would spend on a joke like this.
Or is it a joke at all? Maybe this game was secretly developed by Gabe Newell all along. The more people who buy it, the better chance Half-Life 3 has of being released. Or perhaps if nobody buys it, Half-Life 3 will be cancelled forever. Is this all part of Newell's master plan? Is this secretly the method for which Half-Life 3 will actually be released, a test for the Valve faithful?
No chance in hell. Please don't buy this game.
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