This year marks the 30th anniversary of Super Mario Bros., the seminal gaming classic for the NES. That’s why there’s a 30th anniversary Mario amiibo, Super Mario Maker, and a whole slew of other promotional bits floating around. 30 years is a long time for a franchise to be kicking, and Mario and friends have faced their fair share of goofy enemies over the past three decades.
Quite a few of those enemies, like Goombas, make appearances across any number of Mario games, but there’s always a couple that are specific to one game or a single line of games. These villains tend to be variations on a theme, and there’s almost always some kind of goofy play on words in the English translation.
Just to be clear, the list below only includes entries from directly Mario-related games, so anything Donkey Kong is right out. Otherwise this would more or less just bit a litany of critters from Donkey Kong Country. That game is straight goofy.
Snailicorn
If you can’t already tell, the Snailicorn is basically a snail with a unicorn horn. Clever, right? They wander back and forth on ice stages in New Super Mario Bros., charging in a straight line when they spot the player. That’s pretty much the extent of what the goobers do. They can be a bit difficult to deal with, but can be hit in such a way so that they’re pushed off a cliff. That’s what they get for having a name like “Snailicorn” if you ask me.
Cherbil
Of all the Mario enemies, my favorite by far has to be the Cherbil. There are several different kinds of the floating goober found in Super Paper Mario, but that’s not what makes them interesting. What makes them interesting is the fact that they’re basically just a butt with a face. Like, seriously. The emit gas, and there’s even jokes about where they emit that gas from. That is not a joke. Well, it is, but it’s a joke in the game.
Strollin’ Stu
These little pudgy guys are the equivalent of Goombas viewed through a different aspect ratio. They’re just as worthless, but somehow look more humorous. They run at Mario in Super Mario Sunshine, much like most of Mario’s enemies.Even better, they can stack on top of a slightly larger version of themselves to create--wait for it--a Stackin’ Stu. I wish I were making any of this up, I really do.
Ragumo
Ragumo are mole enemies with drills for beaks from Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins. They pop up from the ground and sort of waddle towards Mario. They are, without a doubt, absolutely one of the worst enemies in the greater Mario universe. Not only are they slow, but their appearance is foretold by a little rumbling ground animation. In short, they are dumb.
Vincent Van Gore
The list would be woefully incomplete without at least one ghost from Luigi’s Mansion. While there’s a whole bunch to choose from, my heart goes out to Vincent Van Gore. Not only is the ghost a painter, and, y’know, a play on the actual painter Vincent Van Gogh, but he has an atrocious French accent for some reason. Luigi defeats him by making him overly sad, which is just… it hurts the heart, and is also perfect.
Buffy the Dolphin
There’s no good way to describe Buffy the Dolphin from Wario: Master of Disguise, so here goes: they’re buff (get it) dolphins that attack by flexing. When they push out their muscles, yellow balls of energy zoom out. Which makes total sense. They’re big, purple, and wear yellow speedos. By the shape of their eyebrows, it seems like they also have an attitude.
Choomba
Ah, the Choomba. If it’s not already obvious by the name, the Choomba is a Goomba that is also a train for some reason in Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story. Bowser’s the one that takes them on, and they charge him over and over. Why is a Goomba also a train? Why does Bowser fight them? These are questions best left for a different video game franchise.
5-Fold Paragoomba
Paper Mario: Sticker Star keeps with the Paper Mario’s penchant for extremely goofy enemies, and this is perhaps best personified by the 5-Fold Paragoomba. What is a 5-Fold Paragoomba, you ask? Well, it’s five different Paragoomba’s wrapped around together in a circle. Paragoombas being Goombas with wings. There’s only the one in the game, but that’s more than enough.
Ninja
The Ninja is… a ninja. That’s it. The enemy’s included here only because the fact that there’s just a straight-up ninja in Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars is particularly amusing. Granted, the fact that it’s an RPG gives the game a little bit more leeway than usual, but still, a ninja? Just a ninja? C’mon.
Fawful
To cap this list off, there is no better enemy to finally include than Fawful. The antagonist, who is basically an evil bean, features in several of the Mario & Luigi games, though most notably in Bowser’s Inside Story where he serves as the Big Bad. He speaks in broken English, which only makes him that much more appealing, and constantly has plans to… well, he just has plans for the most part, and they’re never 100% effective. He’s pretty fawful at implementing them.
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