The Americans really shouldn’t exist. This show is like John le Carré at his peak, but delivered for 13 episodes a year, on a cable network that was once known more for In Living Color re-runs than for anything that required synapses to fire. Yet since its debut in 2013, The Americans has been delivering some of the best — and most woefully under-appreciated — TV you’ll find today.
For those unlucky enough to never take The Americans out for a spin, the basic plot revolves around two married Soviet spies living with their two kids in 1980s America, right next door to an FBI agent. It’s a tight, smart, intricate thriller that hits all the right notes for anyone who enjoys a good spy romp or family drama.
The Americans is also notable for one other reason: it has the best wigs on TV this side of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Why the wigs? Well, Philip and Elizabeth Jennings wouldn’t be proper TV spies without an array of disguises, right? These wigs have taken on a life of their own for fans of the show — rivaling only the FBI mail robot in terms of quirk factor — and it’s become kind of a pastime for viewers to obsess over every weave, toupee and extension these stylish Soviets have to offer.
So while you wait and wait for the show to return on March 16, let’s take a moment to revisit some of the great wig moments from The Americans’ first three years.
The Clark
Philip’s side marriage and “Clark” alias don’t always pass the logic test, but then you look at that righteous rug atop his head and realize none of that really matters. This tidal wave of faux follicles won't necessarily fool anyone — hell, even Martha knows it’s a piece — but that doesn’t take away from the majesty of all of it.
The Jim
If you took your parents’ collection of Doors and Zeppelin albums and distilled them into human form, you would get The Jim. This is Philip’s disguise as he attempts to bug the house of the head of the CIA’s Afghan group in season 3. Of course, this involves preying on the guy’s teenage daughter, an economy-sized bag of communist pot and some Pink Floyd (on cassette, no less). The Jim wig conveys just enough of that devil-may-care attitude to get a teenager’s attention without coming off like (too much) of a creepy loner.
The Journalist
Seen in the episode “Arpanet,” Philip’s journalist disguise is basically what would happen if you took Gene Shalit down a few decibels and sheared him like a sheep. This sweet 'fro has enough height to get our attention, plus it scores some bonus points for the flavor saver dangling under his nose.
The Janitor
Also featured in “Arpanet” (among other episodes), The Janitor wig has been seen in various incarnations over the past three seasons. It's kind of like a cross between a past-his-prime professional wrestler and the creepy guy that is always in your local high school’s parking lot at 3 p.m. The smell of cigarettes and midafternoon scotch almost leaps off the screen whenever Philip wears this disguise, which always makes it a fan favorite.
The Goth
There’s really no other way to describe this wig other than to say that it looks like Philip is a big Cure fan. This scene kid getup made its debut right before Philip and Elizabeth brutally abducted two political targets, Todd and Venter, in one of season 3's most memorable moments. Though if the show was set in today’s world, the drama would have been undercut because emo Philip would be documenting the whole thing in moody black and white Instagram posts. #InstaCommie
The John Denver
Hands down, Elizabeth’s go-to “John Denver” wig is probably The Americans’ greatest gift to television. I mean, just look at it. She completely nails the androgyny and grammar school art teacher vibe that Denver built a career on, and no one would ever suspect this mop of golden hair would belong to a cold-blooded killer. It’s still weird that a Soviet spy would pinpoint this specific look as the one that would help them win the Cold War, though. Maybe if Elizabeth went with The Cat Stevens, we’d all be speaking Russian today.
The Kate Gosselin
While Philip was busy looking like a Hot Topic shift manager during the abduction of Todd and Venter, Elizabeth went for a pretty modern (by '80s standards) look during the same operation. Truth be told, despite looking out of place for the time period, there’s nothing offensively bad about this disguise; the 'do just happens to look a little familiar.
The Social Worker
Elizabeth’s season 2 disguises mainly center around her social worker character, who is responsible for secretly looking after Jared, the son of two murdered Soviet spies. This ensemble takes elements of The John Denver, but it ups the bland level tenfold. It completely destroys the stereotypical image of the buxom femme fatale Soviet spy and replaces it with all the charm of the host of your local public access arts and crafts show.
The Soviet
Now this is more like it. The Americans tends to eschew typical Soviet spy tropes, but sometimes they let a few nuggets slip past the goalie to remind us where we are in history. This wig — Elizabeth’s alluring stark black one from the debut season — is as close to the prototypical Russian spy as we’ll ever get in the series. She’s a seductress here, and a far cry from looking like an icon of American folk music.
The Americans airs at 10 p.m. EDT Wednesday, March 16, on FX when it returns for its fourth season.
